Lammas

Here's a picture of our Lammas bread we baked today.

We also picked poppy seeds on a very hot walk with Indy and made a rhubarb crumble with rhubarb from our garden.

Bright blessing :o)

Thoughts on school

Alice has completed her first 3 weeks at school and has now finished for the summer.

My initial thoughts are that this is going to be so good for her. She is by nature a very quiet and shy person and being at home has been great for her to immerse herself in that but I have started to doubt whether this will stand her in good stead for the future? I would never want to change who she is but I also think that she can sometimes miss out by being too afraid to put herself forward. I recognise her internal struggle in myself and it's only now at the age of 38 I've found coping mechanisms to deal with the fear. My hope is that being with others who don't feel the same worry she will also finds ways of putting her point across without the shutters coming down.

The work side has been really good too. The art department have been magnificent in their efforts to get her caught up with the other students and Alice loves the facilities in the textiles rooms. She has also found a fondness for science which I think she has surprised herself with. After being 1 mark off an A in her first week of being there maybe she has a hidden talent??

It really feels like the world is suddenly opening up for the children and they and I are are excited by this thought. It had felt like something needed to shift over the past year. As wonderful as Home Ed has been for us, we simply had to face the fact that no matter how much we love being at home together it can't stay like that forever and the girls will need to shape lives for themselves at some point.

Izzy and Liv are also very excited about what the future has in store for them. I hope their first weeks are as positive as Alice's have been :o)

Time for a return

I've been away far too long!

Things get crazy here and something has to give. Sitting down to blog feels like a real luxury when that happens.

The girls are moving along and happy and that's all I can ask. Paul and I are following our creative dreams large and small. Paul is wrestling with what platform to use for his photos, at the moment it's home is here. I've started drawing again and am really enjoying it but I am very flighty so it might be something very different next week. The point is that creating stuff makes us very happy so we're going with it.

Today is our 18th Wedding Anniversary! I was 20 and Paul 22. We had no idea what we were doing only that we had to do it together. I know people use the term 'soul mates' too freely but we truly are, I can't imagine my life without him.

Anyhow I won't be setting myself any goals with this blog, let's see how we go and where this life takes us.

xxx

Fear of the Crone

I see her in the distance waiting to embrace me but I walk slow not really wanting to meet her. She looks just like me, she moves just like me in fact she is me.

My Maiden years passed me without a thought and as I arrived at my mother years I felt exactly right, where I belong but now that those years are quickly passing I am left wondering what's next? We made a decision not to have anymore children and this is now out of my control and I must accept it but it feels painful deep in my heart I would love to feel the stir of new life again.

Who will I be, what will I do? The only thing I am any good at is being a Mother, it really is the only thing I do. My only real important thoughts revolve around my children so when I'm not doing that what will I do??

I don't want a career in business, I don't want to live out my last chapter working in retail. I want to be creative, I want to be a spiritual being, I don't want the treadmill. I feel this so deeply that and I can't even explain this to my most beloved, he wouldn't understand. I do have him though and he gives me strength. We have grown up together but this presents it's own problems in that we move together but on slightly different paths.

This all sounds too dramatic seeing as I'm only 37 but it just starting gnawing at the back of my mind, just sowing it's first little seeds and I want to feel prepared. I have a need to know where I am going, to know there is light and not just decaying darkness.

This post sounds like I'm depressed, I'm really not I love my life and my family. I just feel the page being lifted ready to turn to a new chapter and I'm scared.

These questions may present themselves to all women at this point, maybe I'm coming to this a little early? I don't know but it certainly is food for thought.

Happy Birthday Alice!

This girl is 15 today...... 15!

I remember this day 15 years ago like it was yesterday. Technically at the point of writing she wasn't actually born but I remember clearly the first moment I saw her and the moment when I fell in love with this amazing girl!

Every day she supports me, surprises me, makes me laugh and most of all makes me proud. I wish I had her emotional intelligence at her tender age, she is so strong and sure of what's right.

So Happy Birthday my beautiful daughter I love you more every day.

Solstice celebrations

We marked the Winter Solstice just as I wanted in a quiet, peaceful and reflective way. The girls and I got up at dawn and lit a small fire in the garden which was a magical way to start our day. The rest of the day was spent pottering around, walking Indy and preparing a lovely meal for the evening.

Once Paul got home we all enjoyed a meal and then headed outside to light another fire. There is a real magic in fire and I'm so happy that the girls feel it as I do.

Then it was on to burning out huge Yule log. In the forest it really didn't look that big but in our little fireplace it seemed enormous. The girls really enjoyed watching their hopes for the new year fizzling up the chimney and I feel that it marked the day in a thoughtful way for them.

Winter Solstice

So here we are with the last few days before the wheels turns anew.

Standing in the circle

Beneath the web of light

Dancing in the moonlight

On a cold New Years Night

And it seemed that we were lifted

Flown across the years

Power-circled shifted, by power-circle seers

And the Goddess abd John Barleycorn

Will put flesh upon the bones

Fly ribbons round the barrows

Plant food prints round the stones

The Goddess and John Barleycorn

Will keep the spirit strong

For those who remember

For those that sing the song

So stand in the circle, weave the web of light

Dance in the moonlight

Bring fire to the night

Release the past that made us

Release the fire within

Revel in the mystery

And embrace your

Sacred kin

by Brian Boothby

We have been to search for our yule log and a beauty called to us. It lay beneath a beautiful tree so we asked if we could have it. The girls and I took it in turn to ask the question and Iz sealed it with a kiss!

We decorated our log with hopes and resolutions for the new year and also with things we would like to let go of. We'll burn the log tomorrow after a special meal. I know this time of the year is a time to be social but for us it really is a time to hunker down together and just enjoy each others company and to be still and plan for the year ahead. This is a time of year that I truly feel in my bones. I feel the last turns of the great wheel and the prickle of excitement at the beginning of this new year is tangible.

I will be filling in the 2011 tab soon with all my wishes and hopes for this year - there are many!

We've also been tree decorating for for the 21st.

How unimpressed Indy looks with her tinsel collar!!

Strange breakfast!

We had these for breakfast today. They are vegan wholewheat spelt onion and carrot scones of my own invention. Sounds a bit odd but they were really delicious and has spurred me on to try out all sorts of variations as they're so easy to make and very portable.

Winter colours

We took Indy for an afternoon walk in the winter sunshine. The colours of the trees look amazing with the light behind them. Here are just a few to share.

It's days like these that we need to breathe deeply and gives thanks for all the good things we have and to let go of the bad stuff. When we have beauty like this around us life has to be good - right?

New pr♥ject, just because..

Just wanted to share a little on off project I've started. There's a lot of crochet going on in this house at the moment with Christmas coming but sometimes you just have to do a little something for yourself. The girls have all been helping by adding in squares every now and then so it really is a l♥ve blanket.♥♥♥

A festive mantle

We have allowed ourselves to feel just a little festive today. I'm not a big fan of starting Christmas too early but I think the 1st December is ok to start with a little bit of seasonal lighting. It's been so cold today that the fire has been lit since the mid afternoon.

As I type this Paul is stuck on a snowy train station waiting for a train that may never come. Hope you're home soon my love!

Snow

Winter is here! We woke to a light dusting of snow and it's got steadily heavier as the days' progressed.

We had to run a few errands which the girls are all the more likely to help me with if there's snow around ;o)

Reading

Reading is important in this house. Above is our current reading list.