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Gently raising 3 girls to be joyful spirits in this challenging world.

Friday, 24 December 2010

Fear of the Crone

I see her in the distance waiting to embrace me but I walk slow not really wanting to meet her. She looks just like me, she moves just like me in fact she is me.

My Maiden years passed me without a thought and as I arrived at my mother years I felt exactly right, where I belong but now that those years are quickly passing I am left wondering what's next? We made a decision not to have anymore children and this is now out of my control and I must accept it but it feels painful deep in my heart I would love to feel the stir of new life again.

Who will I be, what will I do? The only thing I am any good at is being a Mother, it really is the only thing I do. My only real important thoughts revolve around my children so when I'm not doing that what will I do??

I don't want a career in business, I don't want to live out my last chapter working in retail. I want to be creative, I want to be a spiritual being, I don't want the treadmill. I feel this so deeply that and I can't even explain this to my most beloved, he wouldn't understand. I do have him though and he gives me strength. We have grown up together but this presents it's own problems in that we move together but on slightly different paths.

This all sounds too dramatic seeing as I'm only 37 but it just starting gnawing at the back of my mind, just sowing it's first little seeds and I want to feel prepared. I have a need to know where I am going, to know there is light and not just decaying darkness.

This post sounds like I'm depressed, I'm really not I love my life and my family. I just feel the page being lifted ready to turn to a new chapter and I'm scared.

These questions may present themselves to all women at this point, maybe I'm coming to this a little early? I don't know but it certainly is food for thought.

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Happy Birthday Alice!

This girl is 15 today...... 15!

I remember this day 15 years ago like it was yesterday. Technically at the point of writing she wasn't actually born but I remember clearly the first moment I saw her and the moment when I fell in love with this amazing girl!

Every day she supports me, surprises me, makes me laugh and most of all makes me proud. I wish I had her emotional intelligence at her tender age, she is so strong and sure of what's right.

So Happy Birthday my beautiful daughter I love you more every day.

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Solstice celebrations

We marked the Winter Solstice just as I wanted in a quiet, peaceful and reflective way. The girls and I got up at dawn and lit a small fire in the garden which was a magical way to start our day. The rest of the day was spent pottering around, walking Indy and preparing a lovely meal for the evening.

Once Paul got home we all enjoyed a meal and then headed outside to light another fire. There is a real magic in fire and I'm so happy that the girls feel it as I do.

Then it was on to burning out huge Yule log. In the forest it really didn't look that big but in our little fireplace it seemed enormous. The girls really enjoyed watching their hopes for the new year fizzling up the chimney and I feel that it marked the day in a thoughtful way for them.

Monday, 20 December 2010

Winter Solstice

So here we are with the last few days before the wheels turns anew.

Standing in the circle
Beneath the web of light
Dancing in the moonlight
On a cold New Years Night
And it seemed that we were lifted
Flown across the years
Power-circled shifted, by power-circle seers

And the Goddess abd John Barleycorn
Will put flesh upon the bones
Fly ribbons round the barrows
Plant food prints round the stones
The Goddess and John Barleycorn
Will keep the spirit strong
For those who remember
For those that sing the song

So stand in the circle, weave the web of light
Dance in the moonlight
Bring fire to the night
Release the past that made us
Release the fire within
Revel in the mystery
And embrace your
Sacred kin

by Brian Boothby

We have been to search for our yule log and a beauty called to us. It lay beneath a beautiful tree so we asked if we could have it. The girls and I took it in turn to ask the question and Iz sealed it with a kiss!

We decorated our log with hopes and resolutions for the new year and also with things we would like to let go of. We'll burn the log tomorrow after a special meal. I know this time of the year is a time to be social but for us it really is a time to hunker down together and just enjoy each others company and to be still and plan for the year ahead. This is a time of year that I truly feel in my bones. I feel the last turns of the great wheel and the prickle of excitement at the beginning of this new year is tangible.

I will be filling in the 2011 tab soon with all my wishes and hopes for this year - there are many!

We've also been tree decorating for for the 21st.

How unimpressed Indy looks with her tinsel collar!!

Monday, 6 December 2010

Strange breakfast!

We had these for breakfast today. They are vegan wholewheat spelt onion and carrot scones of my own invention. Sounds a bit odd but they were really delicious and has spurred me on to try out all sorts of variations as they're so easy to make and very portable.


Had to share this picture of Indy looking very scruffy. I came down in the night to find her sleeping on the sofa, naughty, but she looked so cute I didn't have the heart to mover her!

Friday, 3 December 2010

Winter colours

We took Indy for an afternoon walk in the winter sunshine. The colours of the trees look amazing with the light behind them. Here are just a few to share.

It's days like these that we need to breathe deeply and gives thanks for all the good things we have and to let go of the bad stuff. When we have beauty like this around us life has to be good - right?

New pr♥ject, just because..

Just wanted to share a little on off project I've started. There's a lot of crochet going on in this house at the moment with Christmas coming but sometimes you just have to do a little something for yourself. The girls have all been helping by adding in squares every now and then so it really is a lve blanket.

Wednesday, 1 December 2010

A festive mantle

We have allowed ourselves to feel just a little festive today. I'm not a big fan of starting Christmas too early but I think the 1st December is ok to start with a little bit of seasonal lighting. It's been so cold today that the fire has been lit since the mid afternoon.

As I type this Paul is stuck on a snowy train station waiting for a train that may never come. Hope you're home soon my love!

This album

I think I blogged about this album before when it first came out but I recently started listening to it again. I really can't express how special it is. I thought about picking out my favourites but I quite literally couldn't decide. As each song starts I think..... oh no this must be my favourite and then of course the next is just as good.

I urge you to give it a listen in the evening preferably with candles and an open fire and just immerse yourself in it's magic. Let it wash over you and leave it's specialness in you heart.

Sleep Alone from Bat for Lashes on Vimeo.

Prescilla from Bat for Lashes on Vimeo.

Custom top

Found this top in a charity shop and really liked the pattern but it was far too big all over. So I took it up and in and added some bits. Wearing it today and it feels pretty good :o)